When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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