my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
