my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
