when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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