summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
