Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize