I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
