Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
