Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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