i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
