I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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