Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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