planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
