I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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