I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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