You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think my vagina is haunted
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
