I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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