i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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