WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Found the puke drawer
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
