i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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