just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
