watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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