cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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