apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
