While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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