Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
