my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it's like iHOP with fire
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
