the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't turn off my feet"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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