did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
