Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize
