There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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