just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need to calm my uterus...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
