Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
