he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
