38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
