you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
