I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yo dont text me then not text me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
