it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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