mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
