even my farts smell like vagina
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
