im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
