We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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