Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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