I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
