How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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