If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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