Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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