i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I enjoy the company of your penis
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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