i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
