Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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