i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
