Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
