I love black thongs
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
