duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
cat food counts as protein by the way
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
