you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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